He is faithful.

so God does this thing where He is always right. (crazy, i know, right?) and He is especially good at saying "I told you so!" this time around, i'm actually waiting for the "i told you so, hollee. my timing is perfect" part.


today, my 2nd class was cancelled and as the day went on, appointment after appointment was cancelled. so i was left with all of this free time. though i have plenty of papers due in the next month i could have continued working on, i kept browsing through every job site this city has to offer. i have spent so much time on these websites, i can practically tell you what is posted on each and the exact reason why i am not qualified for which postings. every link to every position has turned purple from its original blue, a sign it has been visited before. after the same monotonous search continued for a few hours, i closed my computer and stared at my post-it note filled wall. "God, I'm available. I'm capable. I'm more than ready. Why is this not working out?!" i left for church, still clinging to my frustration and agitation with God, but covered it up for the time being.


now, flipping through the bible and reading other books while the preacher preaches isn't something new for me... i have an attention span of about 4 seconds and always find myself in levitical law or some genealogy or scrutinizing some map in the back. but for some reason, i became fixated on 2 john. this book isn't new to me, i didn't just discover it. in fact, i have a tattoo on my left foot from the 6th verse in that book. but i read it... over... and over... and over... then BOOM! one verse jumped right off the page, screamed my name, and slapped me in the face.


"...Anyone who gets so progressive in his thinking that he walks out on the teaching of Christ, walks out on God. But whoever stays with the teaching, stays faithful to both the Father and the Son.." -The Message


the NIV says anyone who "runs ahead" of the teaching of the Lord is in sin. Um, hello. THAT'S ME! all i can think about it everything else. everything else. money... a house for rent in my near future... grad school... full time job... law school. i fool myself into thinking i am present with the Lord, but how can i be when all i am thinking about is how i can orchestrate my future? i have a plan that i want to follow that would make me happy, would make my parents happy, would be manageable and practical. somewhere along the way i have forgotten that i was called here by HIM to complete a work HE has set forth for me. i have made everything 100% about me. but He always has something bigger. it's something that i can say to keep me hopeful, but the inherent truth of that is beyond awesome.


so... i got my "i told you so." this time, it's just before the fact.....

It's April. It's 32 degrees outside.

OK, people. I have BIG, exciting news!

I'm going to HAITI May 22-June 5!!!! with Easthaven Baptist Church in Kalispell, Montana. The group from Kalispell will be joining others from across Montana for that week and we are going with IMBStudents. Since the quake in January, Haitians have been fleeing the major cities, namely Port-au-Prince due to chaotic aftermath, looting, etc. Temporary “cities” are rapidly being built on the border of Haiti and the DR by these refugees. Inevitably, there are an innumerable amount of children in this situation whose lives have been devastatingly confused. Our job will be to bring a “sense of normalcy” to these camps for the kids. Students are asked to provide recreation, art therapy, manual labor, and any other tasks that come up as well as keep a flexible state of mind. As far as I know, our group will be providing english tutoring and manual labor for the week, though i’m certain more things will pop up for us to accomplish. If nothing else, our job is just to be available... but aren't we always supposed to be, anyway?

How I have longed for this opportunity! The Lord has called me to Montana, and I love to be present here and see what He is doing. I'm still so interested in living here in Missoula and finding out my role and this chapter of my life. But so very often am I distracted by my desire to be outside this country's borders. (Sometimes I wonder in Mom and Dad realize I'm serious when I talk about my hut in Africa I can't wait to build.) There is NOTHING that gets me as jazzed as taking God's love to the children around the world who don't have a voice. I am trying to be patient with that desire. Patient enough to finish school and be open to God's plan for now. Also. patient to be present in every moment, not always dreaming about the future. (That's probably my deepest regret in life thus far. Think of how often we dream of the future and don't let the present just be what it is. Then we are continuously disappointed because nothing is ever fulfilled because our thoughts are too far ahead of us.) BUT... I had spent some time in prayer asking God, if it was His will, to give me an opportunity to go sometime this year or next before I started thinking too seriously about graduation and grad school.  And HE DID!! 

Kathleen has already started fundraising around town, and I'll be joining her now. I'm going to be writing support letters this week and sending them out. If you want to help or know someone who would, please contact us! None of us have the means to afford this trip, but we are all certain that the money will come through. When I went to Mexico in 2008, our last dollars literally came in the day before we left and equaled the EXACT amount due. 

In other news, I got to spend Spring Break at home in Nashville!! I had (almost) all of my favorite people and just had a blast. I wish there had been more time to just lay around the house, but it is probably good that I didn't. Leaving home this time around was so much harder than saying goodbye in January.  I have only cried twice with homesickness since I moved here (and let me tell you, that in itself is proof that God is in control!! haha!)-- once at the infamous two-week-mark and the monday night after I got back. The coolest thing in the world is that I never doubt my purpose in being in Missoula. I often question what I should be doing, but never spend my time in "what if" thinking.

Now, if I could just convince my parents to move out west.....