He is faithful.

so God does this thing where He is always right. (crazy, i know, right?) and He is especially good at saying "I told you so!" this time around, i'm actually waiting for the "i told you so, hollee. my timing is perfect" part.


today, my 2nd class was cancelled and as the day went on, appointment after appointment was cancelled. so i was left with all of this free time. though i have plenty of papers due in the next month i could have continued working on, i kept browsing through every job site this city has to offer. i have spent so much time on these websites, i can practically tell you what is posted on each and the exact reason why i am not qualified for which postings. every link to every position has turned purple from its original blue, a sign it has been visited before. after the same monotonous search continued for a few hours, i closed my computer and stared at my post-it note filled wall. "God, I'm available. I'm capable. I'm more than ready. Why is this not working out?!" i left for church, still clinging to my frustration and agitation with God, but covered it up for the time being.


now, flipping through the bible and reading other books while the preacher preaches isn't something new for me... i have an attention span of about 4 seconds and always find myself in levitical law or some genealogy or scrutinizing some map in the back. but for some reason, i became fixated on 2 john. this book isn't new to me, i didn't just discover it. in fact, i have a tattoo on my left foot from the 6th verse in that book. but i read it... over... and over... and over... then BOOM! one verse jumped right off the page, screamed my name, and slapped me in the face.


"...Anyone who gets so progressive in his thinking that he walks out on the teaching of Christ, walks out on God. But whoever stays with the teaching, stays faithful to both the Father and the Son.." -The Message


the NIV says anyone who "runs ahead" of the teaching of the Lord is in sin. Um, hello. THAT'S ME! all i can think about it everything else. everything else. money... a house for rent in my near future... grad school... full time job... law school. i fool myself into thinking i am present with the Lord, but how can i be when all i am thinking about is how i can orchestrate my future? i have a plan that i want to follow that would make me happy, would make my parents happy, would be manageable and practical. somewhere along the way i have forgotten that i was called here by HIM to complete a work HE has set forth for me. i have made everything 100% about me. but He always has something bigger. it's something that i can say to keep me hopeful, but the inherent truth of that is beyond awesome.


so... i got my "i told you so." this time, it's just before the fact.....